LoonyLiberal to GOP: Get Dry or GTFO! (Alternate Title: Drumpf is the Schmuck of the Irish)

Trump's Coronavirus Strategy: Dismay and Pray
(Note 1: This post is cross-posted on Publish0x and Cent.)

(Note 2: Mamby's auto-caption for the title image is "A man and a woman smiling for the camera." In the IT field, we call this a Good Bad Bug.)

This week has had a rough start. The US Stock Market fell roughly 2000 pointsHealth officials estimate that 40-70% of the world population could end up infected with the coronavirus, and there's no hope for a vaccine until 12-18 months from now. And the online debate over whether Hinata Hyuuga or Sakura Haruno is best pony could launch a civil war that could wipe Japan off of the map (which would be bad for the world, but good for the Guilty Gear storyline).

Our president, Donald Duck... er... Drumpf, took decisive action. He boldly proclaimed... that he is going to skip a bipartisan St. Patrick's Day dinner because Nancy Pelosi hurt his fee-fees.

(Have you ever noticed how butthurt bullies get when their would-be victims defend themselves?)

Pointing out to Drumpf and his enablers the immaturity and poor timing of this announcement will be an exercise in futility. Fortunately, I have an alternate suggestion.

Democrats and fellow liberals, if I could convince you to halt your circular firing squad, I'd like to gift you with a talking point.

"Since President Trump, head of the GOP, has declared his intention to skip the bipartisan St. Patrick's Day dinner, we are certain that our honorable colleagues across the aisle will stand by their convictions, refrain from celebrating St. Patrick's Day in any capacity, and spend the holiday working diligently to honestly and effectively combat the spread of the coronavirus."

If the GOP insists on being stupid, then let's force them to own their stupidity. If you see a Republican doing any of the following during the month of March, call them out on their inconsistency:
  • If you see a Republican drinking alcohol, remind them that they're breaking ranks with Trump. To salt the wound, inform the Republican that their drink is the favorite beverage of Hillary Clinton, George Soros, and Rachel Maddow.
  • If you see a Republican wearing green, remind them again that they're breaking ranks with Trump. Also, inform them that green is the color of the Green Party, and tell them that they're essentially living, breathing endorsements for Dr. Jill Stein.
  • If you see a Republican watching a JackSepticEye video... okay, we'll let them have that one. I'm an insult comic, not a complete monster. However, if they're watching one of JackSepticEye's videos during working hours, then tell them to stop using work-provided internet for personal reasons and tell them to get back to work.
  • If you see a Republican in a kilt, move to a safe area and notify the legal authorities immediately.
This may seem petty to most of you, but it's good campaigning. Republicans have a track record of squirming and waffling when their own talking points are pinned onto them. So let them sip tap water while the rest of us enjoy our beers, stouts, and mojitos!

...yes, the mojito is a traditional St. Patrick's Day drink. The mint leaves are green, so go pinch someone else.

Besides... it's probably best that the GOP refrain from drinking, considering that they turned CPAC into Typhoid Mary-palooza.

But I'm not completely heartless. I'll send the GOP my thoughts and prayers, but I'll keep my hand soap, orange juice, and mojito mix to myself.

[singing]
Oh, Drumpfy boy, the karma, the karma's calling.
From Fox to Murdoch, and down Gaetz's IQ side.
The truth is gone; your reputation's dying.
It's you. You must go. I'll stay and be snide.

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LoonyLiberal
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I'm a 43-year-old male living in the USA. I'm a software tester, a writer, and I'm occasionally funny on purpose.

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