My Name is lilly, and I'm going to share the story of how I found out that I have herpes, so I thought I would share my story because I know when I found out that I had herpes, I thought my life was over I thought that I would never find love again.
I thought that I would be like a social pariah like I just thought my world was over, and I don't feel that way anymore; of course, I've had herpes for about five months now, and I just thought I would share my story, so I'm going to go ahead and jump right into it.
I was dating someone at the time. He lived a couple of hours away, so I didn't see him that often. He was also very mean he was demanding. He was rude. You know there were tons of red flags that I wish that I didn't ignore at that time. When I first started dating him, I regret that now he at the time that we were in a relationship, he never said anything about having any STDs or you know he has this, and we need to be careful.
He did not say that at all, so I wasn't too concerned with it I should have asked. But, of course, you should always ask about going into a relationship. I do now because I have learned from that, but it was hard to learn it. So the first sign that I showed was flu-like symptoms, and at that time, I did not know that you get flu-like symptoms when you have herpes, and you're about to have an outbreak, especially when it's your first outbreak. So I had no idea. I thought I just had the fluid was feeling sick. So one day, I started throwing up. I felt better around 15 to 20 hours later, and I was like, all right, I have the flu moving on with my life. So I did not think twice about it. A few days after that, I did notice that I had a bump, and I was like, that's weird, you know, and in my naive head, I was like, well herpes is a slew of bumps and a bunch of blisters and open sores, and this is only one bump.
So there's no way that's that, and my boyfriend would tell me so still, at that time, I didn't think anything of it. So a few days later, that bump did start to cause me a lot of pain when I peed when I moved if anything like brushed against it, I was like, this is bad at first I thought that I had cut myself shaving maybe I still at that time didn't think that it was an std of any sort the point where I did think that it was an std was when I was starting to have like a yellow discharge that's where I was like that is a sign of an std. So at that point, I was like, okay, I probably need to see a doctor. I didn't want to ask my boyfriend at the time, like, do you have any STDs? Is there something I need to be concerned about was? He was mean, and I didn't want to start that argument and have him put me down just fine case it wasn't an std, but I knew in my heart that it probably was.
So I did go to the doctor. I made an appointment, she started asking me questions, and she's like have you been sick, and I was like yeah, you know I had the flu a couple of days ago, but it was only for about 20 hours, and she was like okay what does bump feel like. I was like, it's pretty painful, especially when I pee, and she was like, okay, she's like, well, to me, it sounds like you probably do have herpes, and my heart sank. She wanted to do an exam to make sure I was nervous.
I wouldn't say I like exams like that. I knew that I would have to have an exam, but you know she said she thought that I have herpes, and I didn't think cause I was like, it's one bump, it's not herpes. I got myself shaving. It was very much in denial even after she said that she started the exam, and she was looking at, and she's like, you know we can wait for testing to get back, but I have herpes myself, and I'm pretty sure you do as well I started crying immediately. I wasn't listening to her telling me that everything was going to be okay; I was just heartbroken for myself at that moment after she did the exam.
I did go ahead and get some blood work done to check for anything else that I may have contracted, so I was still crying hysterically in the waiting room people were looking at me, but I didn't care. I thought I was embarrassed because I was just hysterically crying and people were going to know I was told something bad, so I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible my mom was waiting for me in the parking lot this happened just as it was starting so she couldn't come in with me.
I went home after that, and I was just hysterical for days. I thought my life was over; I was like, no one's going to love me. So I broke up with my boyfriend when I did call him, and I was like, the doctor just told me I have here. She was so calm like he wasn't like I was hysterically crying like oh my gosh like none of that he was so calm like wow so I knew in my heart at that moment. he knew he had herpes he didn't tell me. So I was just like, we're done, we are so done I can't understand how someone could do that to another human being to affect their life like that.
He had also given me chlamydia, so we were just done over with. But, he did think that we should stay together because obviously, we both have it now so no one else will want us, so he was like we should stay together, and I was like, no way you have zero respect for me or respect for my body, so there's not a chance of us staying together.
He did try, though, so after breaking up with him, I took a lot of time to get used to the idea or the concept that I have herpes now like it was life-changing for me. First, I thought it was like my life was over. I realized shortly after that that my life isn't over.
So I started thinking, and you know society puts this horrible stigma on herpes that like you need ever to date someone that has it so never put yourself in a situation. You can date; it is not that big of a deal. It's not that life-altering. I found a good caring partner on online herpes dating sites after that very shortly, and he was very accepting of it, and he has always helped me and when I am down about it.
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